The Act of actually being ... Sorry

Piggy pack from the previous topic ( if you haven't read it .. take a read on to forgive is )

How Many times has a parent, spouse , friend , acquaintance, boss , coworker apologized to us about something and within a few were back to doing the EXACT thing they apologized for ?

Let me not be biased... How many times have we just said sorry just to preserve the peace but did not actually sit down to evaluate what we were sorry about?

I am guilty and sadly in one way or the other .. you may be too. We just don't like it when it's done to us right !

The Actual Act of Being Sorry

When I was a Sunday school teacher many moons ago at my local church, whenever the kids used to do something out of order and apologized, I always asked them " what are you sorry for?"

Majority of the time , they didn't know why they were apologizing . they would stare blankly at me or the smart mouth amongst them will say something along the lines of " well it's the right thing to say" or " I don't know .. I just am" or the famous " mom or dad says to say sorry when I do something bad"

Even young kids just follow the motions of being sorry because their parents have asked them to do so but the actual act is missing and thus within seconds.. they are back to doing exactly what you asked them not to do.

As an adult, I have realized that the motion of being sorry has carried on within our relationships. Husbands will say sorry just so the wife will stop yelling . Wives will do the same so there is peace. Friends will do so just so they can make their way to the party without having to deal with any awkwardness.

So I asked myself , Why say sorry if you don't mean it? Why avoid uncomfortable confrontations when we know very well that in doing so , it actually helps build the relationship? Why avoid conversations that need to be had and what is it worth losing ?

In the past, I have lost many friendships and people have also lost me as a friend due to lack of communication that needed to happen . Either things were brushed under the rug for too long or things just piled up or the friendship just dwindled away.

Growing into my knowledge of what is worth to me when it comes to relationships , I take my own stand and asks certain questions myself.

  1. What is this relationship worth to me, What is my relationship worth to them?

  2. If things seem to be awkward or something does not feel right, do I ask or wait ?

  3. If I have offended someone, and they say so .. do I just apologize or really seek to understand them better through my apology so I don't repeat it ?

  4. If someone has offended me , do I take their apology at words length or now watch for the actions that follow?

  5. When I apologize, am I actually sorry?

I am not going to lie, sometimes I let things go when I am offended because they hold no weight for me . I won't discuss it or bring it up. Sometimes too, I do bring it up just because I know the other party may not have meant what they did and it needs to be discussed . And the hard last part is .. sometimes I let it all go , the apology and the offender because the reactions accompanying their apology truly shows me my worth in their life and honey…. I am worth too much to be used as a doormat in someone else's life ! Sorry .. not sorry

It's a learning experience this life we live.. And I continue on this search in being me ..

Becoming Mrs. A